In a really dark place

 “Not doing well. Just wished you were here.”

Tired of struggling. Should I find someone to care for the cats so I can go?

Bedtime is getting scarier. Literally causing so much anxiety I keep feeling like I need to empty my bladder. Or intestines. 

Splotchy yowls as I’m just about to fall asleep. She loves to do so around 430am. How do I push back her breakfast time? I don’t know what changed, was it because I was waking at 5 to study and feeding her early that she got the hang of it? How do I change it back. Cries. 

64days. I can’t crawl out of this blackhole.