takeaway

I don’t know what came over me but I just missed you so much and I went back to read the two letters you sent me on Valentine’s Day, where you poured your heart out. It dawned upon me how little emotional availability you had back then and how I was always the one writing notes to you and receiving so few... now I’m sad because it feels like I have nothing to look back at. :(

I doubt you will ever read this and the purpose isn’t really that anyway, but I just really wanna say that I didn’t leave you because I didn’t want you anymore. It wasn’t because I was tired of you. Neither was it because I couldn’t put up with you anymore. I left you, because I loved you more than I have loved any human. (Because pets are a different) I left you, because I loved you more than I love myself. I left you because,  after banging my head against the wall thinking of solutions, I realized that I needed to do it in order for you to get better. I’m sorry. You might have felt that I was cruel. Or that you expected it all along because no girl has stayed/ stayed as long as I have. Or maybe you thought that my friends incl Ed brainwashed me that you weren’t good enough for me. But it wasn’t any of that. I left because I loved you so much I wanted you to get better. It pained me to leave and trust me when I say it was killing me. I honestly don’t even know how I survived this long without talking to you. Because you’re on my mind all the time.

But since I have made the move, there’s no turning back. I kept count- I have left you twice. And both times I came back to you. So for the record, I’ve always come back to you. Now I have left the ball in your court. It’s on you- you either come back to me, or you don’t. And I guess I’ll have to wait till mine or your deathbed before I find out the ending. Unlike a tv series or book where I can fast forward to the last chapter. But I really really really hope that this would be one of those stories where everything works out in the end and we grow old together. I love you.